Shows to Enjoy While On the Crapper - 2005

Well Blogger is certainly making this "retirement" shit a whole lot easier. Before I give you a well informed list of the best television shows of the year, I need to get some house cleaning done.

First, it would appear that "Ask Blog Jesus" died a bit prematurely. I don't know what the fuck happened, but I can tell you that I did not pull the cite early. I was really looking forward to the last round of questions - meaning I was really going to fuck people up with my answers. It appears though that I will be unable to bring that joy to you fuckers. I spent a good portion of last evening trying to figure what the fuck was going on to no avail. I could create a one day only new Blog Jesus site but I don't have the injury. Unfortunately Blog Jesus won't be going out as a bastard . . . instead he's going out like a little bitch.

Speaking of little bitches, big ups to Labbie for his terrific post honoring the king shit of fuck mountain, good ole' MPH. Due to all my blogging issues yesterday I was unable to comment on the post both on his blog and on this blog. I would like to say that I was moved by the post but everyone knows that I am deliriously emotionaless robot. I know that some of you folks know how to love and I do recommend that you show Labbie some love for his fine work.

I would also suggest that you folks start thinking of similar posts for next Tuesday because I have decided that January 3, 2006 is when the blog lovingly referred to as "Heightened Thoughts" will take its final bow. I know this is a bit earlier than I promised, but who the fuck expected me to actually keep that promises.

Alright, now that I have evacuated my mental bowels its time to tell you kids what the best television shows of 2005 were.

Best TV Shows of 2005

1) Lost

If you're one of those bitches that complain that the plot is too complicated or that the show runners have no fucking clue what they are doing I ask that you please die in the woods so that wolves can eat you and have their way with you in various other ways. Dollar for dollar this is the best drama on television. It packs equal amounts of thrills, emotion, and mystery into each episode. While I am intrgued by the mysteries the show keeps producing, I am also intrigued by the characters. All of the actors are great in their roles and some do way too much with very limited time (Sun and Jin). It's a hell of a ride and I plan on enjoying it for years to come.

2) 24

One of my complaints about this show in the past is that it usually hits a lull about midway into the season and you lose some interest in it as a result. That was the past. This past season punched you in the stomach from the very beginning and kept punching and kicking your ass for twenty-four straight hours. The twists and turns were pitch perfect and it had the best season finale of all shows last May.

3) Arrested Development

I know that some of you fuckers that are reading this are partially to blame for the imminent demise of this hilarious ass show. In a way I hate you, but in another way I just want to thank you. Because everyone on the show know that is likely on its last legs they have stopped giving a fuck about what others think and have just produced good comedy. There are no boundaries any more and that is what will make this show fantastic to watch for the remainder of its episodes.

4) Battlestar Galactica

This show should not have worked. A remake of a bad '70's sci-fi show that starred Edward James Olmos. Who in the hell would watch that? People that like gritty, intense drama, that's who. There are few sunny days in space especially when you're being hunted by robots and this show makes sure that its viewers feel their characters pain.

5) Entourage

No show, with the exception of Grey's Anatomy, matured more in it's second season. I didn't give a shit about any of the main four characters last year, but now I do. And Jeremey fucking Piven grabbed the ball and ran with it this year. He was the best thing about the show last year and he stepped up this year along with the show itself.

6) Veronica Mars

Regretably I did not get into this show until this past summer. I am now trying to atone for that mistake by catching missed episodes of this series on DVD. This is the best written show of the ten that I listed. The dialouge and banter between the characters in terrific. The show also has a real heart which allows it to raise above the generic Nancy Drew premise.

7) The Shield

This show became extremely interesting this season for two reasons: Glenn Close and the evolution of the characters. Close decided to slum it on TV for a bit and devilered a knock out performance. The main characters, Vic Mackey and his squad, played it straight for most of the year and only strayed when necessary. This allowed all the actors to be more than one note bad cops as they had in previous seasons. The evolution apparently continues next season and I look forward to watching it.

8) The Office

The most polarizing show on television at this time. For every person that loves the show there is another that fucking hates the show. I think it is a brillant comedy that has gotten remarkedly better since last Spring. The best components of the show are Jim and Pam's relationship and all the supporting cast that make up the rest of the office. Each episode they shine brightest.

9) House

I actually just finished watching the first season of this show on DVD and it made me appreciate the brillant performance of Hugh Laurie even more. He gets to play the saint and the sinner all at once and you can tell he is having a ball. The cast make this show so much more than a medical mystery and I love that they are exploring more and more of their outside lives.

10) Deadwood

Oh how I love long cocksucking monolouges that probably have some deep meaning. This fucking show is the shit. Where else are you going to see a bad ass like Ian McShane suffer through a kidney stone and talke to an Indians head in a box?

Honorable Mention

Grey's Anatomy
Rescue Me
My Name is Earl
CSI
Everybody Hates Chris
The Daily Show
Without a Trace
Invasion
Scrubs

And we'll end the week with movies.

- MPH