Swiss Christmas

I know what you're all thinking.

I find that incredibly sad by the way, that I know what you're all thinking . . . you, my loyal readers, all have very simple minds. Really kids, do something to get a bit smarter.

So yeah, I know what you're all thinking. You're thinking, where does good ole' MPH stand on the war of Christmas?

One would think that I would support the secular, give "Brokeback Mountain" seven Golden Glode, happy holidays crowd that doesn't even want Christ in the parking lot while you're Christmas shopping.

I do not support those douches.

This obviously means that I dig those conservative, Merry Christmas, spread Jesus around so much that he is in your socks crowd that boycotts stores because Bill O'Reilly told them to.

Wrong.

I hate both groups, but I love the fact that those two groups hate one another. I just want acrimony during the holiday season. Better yet, I want pointless acrimony during the holiday season. There is nothing better than a fight over a Christmas tree in a public place. It's a waste of time and resources and is utterly fantastic.

The only thing that could make this "war" better is if the groups actually grew some balls and really started to fuck one another up. Violent, pointless acrimony is better than watching Rachel McAdams doing aerobics. Blood stained snow is something worth keeping in your freezer.

Of course, we may not have to worry about the "War on Christmas" much long if the war of words between the United States and Canada heats up.

Apparently the U.S. has warned politicians running in Canada's January 23rd elections to not bash Washington and the Dubya Administration. In response, Canada has told us to fuck off. Well, at least I think they said "fuck off" it was in French and people in France don't even get that language.

While there is not likely to be any actual fighting between the two countries, a trade embargo could occur. This would essentially mean that the United States would no longer be allowed to air episodes of "Kids in the Hall."

It's a tough loss, but one we can live with so long as Dave Foley is allowed to remain stateside calling celebrity poker games.

- MPH